GREETINGS!

Hello, all! I'm new at this blogging thing, so please bear with me. I'm also relatively new at diabetes and at Buddhism, so do let me begin by saying I am hardly an authority on either subject; I'm still learning about them. I'll cut to the chase and give you the story; here's Part 1:

I learned that I had Type II (adult onset) diabetes during a routine physical on April 3, 2007, two days after my 45th birthday. At that time, I was in the midst of a year's worth of disability for fibromyalgia and psoriatic arthritis, so the diabetes diagnosis was just another explanation for my feeling like hell. I remember that I was relieved that there was a reason for my excessive thirst and chronic candida, as well as the other charming symptoms of this disease, so I immediately made an appointment with an endocrinologist, took some tests, met with a nutritionist, got my free blood glucose meter in the mail (for those who don't know, the meter companies give 'em away because they charge up the wazoo for the test strips you need to purchase in order to check your blood glucose levels), and started to take care of myself. And then two months into it, I got rebellious and stopped giving a damn...until December 8, 2008, when my vision just crapped out on me at work and I couldn't see anything on my computer screen. Diabetes can wreck your vision, you see, and one of the symptoms of high glucose levels is blurred vision. The bell went off in my head.

I left work, went home, dug out my old meter, bought some new test strips, and tested my blood sugar. Now, normal readings for me are 110 or less before meals, and 140 or less after meals. My reading was 300. Scared the hell out of me. Okay, I thought, I can't see much of anything right now. This is REAL. If I don't do something now, I'll be facing things like organ failure and some other fun things down the line.

So, it was back to the doctor for tests, admonition, and some new medications (I don't take insulin; I take those old classics called Metformin and Glyburide). The tests revealed that my kidneys were not damaged despite the neglect, and I was so relieved to hear this that I almost cried. However, one test which gives a diabetic patient an average of their glucose level for two to three months--called the A1C--put me at 10.2; a healthy level for a diabetic is 6.5 or lower. Yikes. My triglycerides were off the scale, as were my LDL (the bad cholesterol) levels. My HDLs (good cholesterol) were too low. The only good things I had going for me were that my blood pressure was great from diligently taking my BP meds for years, and that I didn't smoke (I quit three years ago). Oh, did I mention that I am about 90 pounds overweight?

Since I went back to the doctor, I have been caring for myself. I have my blood glucose under control. I am eating well and dropping weight. I take my meds faithfully. My vision is still blurry; it will take more time to improve, but even so, I feel better than I have in a very long time. In a few weeks, I will have more tests and see the results of my self-care, and I look forward to that.

Okay, here's Part 2:

I have considered myself a Buddhist for about three years, although I didn't really do much with it. I practiced zazen (shikantaza, or "just sitting" meditation) on my own, and then for the space of a few months I went to sit with Brad Warner, the punk-bassist Zen master, over at the Hill Street Center in Santa Monica. Brad is a scream, and I think much of the Buddhist community doesn't really understand him because his approach to Buddhism is not what most people, Buddhist or not, expect. Maybe they shouldn't expect anything. Anyway, as much as I enjoyed sitting with Brad, I didn't feel as if he was the teacher for me. This is no slam against Brad; he is a wonderful teacher for so many others, and just because he didn't work out for me doesn't mean he sucks.

I continued my practice on my own until about a month ago, when my husband Matt and I decided to visit the Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society Center, located on Melrose in Los Angeles and established by by Noah Levine. The first time we went there to meditate, Noah was away, so we didn't have the opportunity to hear him speak or meditate with him until New Year's Eve, when the Center held a New Year's Intention-Setting ceremony and offered people the opportunity to receive the Five Buddhist Precepts and take the Three Refuges. Matt and I decided we wanted to deepen our commitment to Buddhism, so we attended.

Here are the Five:

1. I undertake the training rule to abstain from taking life.

2. I undertake the training rule to abstain from taking what is not given.

3. I undertake the training rule to abstain from sexual misconduct.

4. I undertake the training rule to abstain from false speech.

5. I undertake the training rule to abstain from drinks and drugs that cause heedlessness.

It will be interesting to see how I---an all too human person!---interpret and follow these rules. What about euthanasia? Abortion? Stealing food if you are starving and broke? Killing in self-defense? White lies?

One thing about the ceremony that I really loved is that we took The Three Refuges in the original Pali language:

Buddham saranam gacchami (to the Buddha [Buddha nature—the ideal or highest spiritual potential that exists within all beings] for refuge I go)

Dhammam saranam gacchami (to the Dharma [teachings] for refuge I go)

Sangham saranam gacchami (to the Sangha [community] for refuge I go)

Dutiyampi Buddham saranam gacchami (For the second time ... [repeated for each of the three])

Tatiyampi Buddham saranam gacchami (For the third time ... [repeated for each of the three])


At this time, Matt and I want to continue to attend meditations at Against the Stream, so that is what we will do.

So...how do diabetes and Buddhism combine in my life? Diabetes is something that keeps me in the present moment, at each step of my self-care throughout each day. And in caring for myself every day, mindfulness is present as a big ol' smack upside the head. It hurts so good. LOL!

Whew! That's all for now.