PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE....BUT IT SURE TRIES MY PATIENCE TO BE PATIENT!

Hiya, peeps!

I'm sorry I've been gone so long. There have been a few earth-shattering events here at the Brown household---for one, my husband Matt is going to tour Italy as the auxiliary keyboardist for a band called Circa:, which features ex-Yes men Tony Kaye and Billy Sherwood, as well as drummer Jay Schellen and guitarist Jimmy Haun. Woohooo! It's all very exciting, and Matt's still in shock that he was asked to play. Here's a link for those who may be interested: http://www.circahq.com/


In the matter of diabetes, the last two weeks or so have been....frustrating, to say the least. My blood glucose levels have been all over the place, although I have been eating well, walking, and taking my medications. I have not lost any weight for over a month. According to my doctor, I will probably not lose any weight until my A1C gets down from 10.2 to a healthier level, like 6.5 or less. In March, I will have my quarterly battery of tests, and I will see if I've improved. If I begin to drop more weight before then, that will be a good indication that I am successfully controlling my diabetes.

But lately I've wanted to hurl my glucometer out the window because of those erratic blood glucose levels. My doctor believes that one of my meds must be fine-tuned, so I have spent the last half month trying to find the magic formula in the daily amount of glyburide I take. I am only allowed a certain daily amount of my other oral med, Metformin, which I divide into three daily doses of 1000, 500, and 1000 milligrams. But my doc has allowed me to tweak my glyburide dosage to customize it. He started me off with 2.5 milligrams taken twice a day, and I've been playing with it since then, gradually increasing the amount taken, and adding a third daily dose. The maximum daily dosage of glyburide is 20 milligrams a day, and I'm not even close to that number. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Sure---but, dammit, the "crashes" when my blood glucose goes below 70, combined with the 200-plus highs, are a recipe for misery. Between the downs and ups I feel like shit, I get cranky, I have screaming headaches, nausea, cold sweats, dizziness, weakness, body aches, excessive thirst, and I just want to say "Fuck it", throw the meds out, eat everything in sight....and kick my zafu and zabuton. Hard.

And then I remember what I have learned via Buddhist training, about suffering and doing one thing at a time, here and now. So, I suffer. What is that? Well, suffering is part of chronic illness. Will I continually suffer or be in pain? I don't know. Is there a chance that I'll have some moments during which I'll stop suffering? Very likely, but I can't tell you when they'll be. How do I feel now, right this second? Not bad, actually. I'll go test my blood and see what my levels are.

Okay! My levels are 128, two hours after dinner. Pretty good there, me!

Now, if these levels rise two hours from now for no apparent reason, or if they plummet and I crash out, the only thing I can do is address the issue as it happens at that moment. All I can do is be diligent in maintaining my healthy lifestyle of eating well and walking, and couple that with the trial-and-error process of adjusting the glyburide...and accept that all this is an adjustment period that requires patience. If, in the next few weeks, I just can't achieve a normal rise and fall of blood sugar, I will call my doctor and we will try something else. It's small steps for me all the way. Freaking does no good, and can do me harm, as stress increases blood glucose levels. As a matter of fact, the upset I've felt over the last couple of weeks most likely sent that stack right through the roof.

Time to sit.